Dreams Of An Inspired Mind: Muslim-ized

Ramadan Reminders

2009-08-20T23:17:00.005-04:00

With Ramadan starting literally just right around the corner, it’s important to take a minute to think about this time. I received an email (all credit goes to the original writer) entitled “What Everyone Should Know About Ramadan” and I wanted to share parts of it now before we start striving to do our best during this blessed month.

First off, Fasting in Ramadan is obligatory for every sane, healthy, and mature Muslim. This means that we must fast unless we are not yet reached puberty or we are in an ill state either mentally or physically. We must be able to mentally understand fasting and be able to physically carry out the fast without putting ourselves in harm in order for it to be a valid fast. To deny the obligation of fasting during this time is an act of Kufr. Allah (SWT) says in Surah Baqara Ayah 183 “Fasting has been prescribed upon you as it was prescribed for those before you, that you may attain Taqwah”. As long as we meet the conditions above so that we are mentally and physically sound to fast, we must fast during this month of Ramadan.

----Preparation----
* We need to learn the rules and regulations of fasting such as the times when we can break our fast, what we can and cannot do during fasting hours, and what to do in case we make a mistake during this time.
* We should begin this month with a clean slate: Make Tawba (sincere repentance) for the sins we commit on a daily basis.
* Make du’aa that Allah (swt) helps us fast properly and correctly.
* Begin this month with a firm intention to follow the example of the Prophet (SAW) by fasting not only with the stomach and the private parts, but with the tongue, the hand, etc.
* Set realistic and reachable goals to accomplish each day such as give $5 in sadaqah, read a certain number of pages of Qur’an, improve our character, etc.
* Remember that every night, Allah Descends from His Throne (in a manner that befits His Majesty), extends His Hand, and asks who will turn to Him in repentance. Take advantage of this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
* If someone is missing fasts and is able to make them up (due to sickness, traveling, pregnancy, menstruation, post-natal bleeding.. etc) then they must make them up before the next Ramadan. Those without a valid reason must make the fasts up ASAP. Some scholars also say they must offer Kaffaarah (expiation) for every day that they missed but some don’t agree that it’s necessary.

----Merits and Virtues of Ramadan----
* The gates of Hell are shut, the devils are chained, and the gates of Heaven are open wide.
* Baa bar-Rayyaan is a gate of Jannah reserved specially for those who fast.
* Fasting is a form of expiation for minor sins

----REMEMBER----
* If someone tries to pick a fight with you, say “Ana saa’im” (I’m fasting). This is a reminder to yourself, and a warning to the other person.
* Make every pang of hunger a reminder to yourself to be thankful to Allah, to turn to Him in repentance, to beg of His Mercy for you and your fellow brothers and sisters in Islam.

*HADITH QUDSI: “Fasting is for Me, and I give the reward for it. (A man) gives up his sexual desires, his food and his drink for My Sake. Fasting is like a shield, and he who fasts has two joys: joy when he breaks his fast, and joy when he meets his Lord. The change in the breath of the mouth of he who fasts is better in Allah's estimation than the smell of musk.”

Salah Videos

2009-08-20T04:30:00.004-04:00

One of the most important issues that Muslims face in their faith is the topic of Prayer. Its importance can be seen in the fact that it is the 2^nd of the 5 pillars of Islam. Prayer isn’t just saying a few words, bowing your head, or moving your body. It’s a connection to your creator with which you show your appreciation and submission to him. In Surah Al-Fatiha, which is used in every rakah of prayer, we find the ayah, “Iyyaka na3budu wa iyyaka nasta3een”. This translates to “It is you (Allah) we worship and it is you (Allah) we seek help from”. Such ayahs show that prayer holds special meaning beyond words and bowing.

For new Muslims, prayer can be more of a difficult task than many may think. For one, it’s in a language that is foreign to most of us, and for two, it’s a different way of praying than we are used to. The bigger issue however is number one. The majority of new Muslims don’t speak Arabic. While we are learning to pray, it will take a long time for us to be able to comprehend what we are saying along with us saying it. We can memorize the words, but it takes some time to be able to put those words with the meaning in a way that we can understand what we are saying. This can be very discouraging, but in time it will become easy, Insha’Allah.

With Ramadan approaching, we should pay extra attention to our prayers. With our deeds more important than ever, this is a time which should be utilized to its fullest. The following videos (part 1 and part 2) were shared with me from someone who wanted to help me with my prayers (Thank You Mohamed), and I hope that Insha’Allah this might help someone as well. These videos describe The Prophet’s (SAW) prayer.

May Allah guide us all with light and increase our desire and need for knowledge, Ameen.

Tolerance + "Arranged" Movie

2009-08-20T01:12:00.005-04:00

Acceptance, understanding, and appreciation for life tend to be lost on some people. Many on this earth allow differences to separate them from others without any valid reason other than them thinking that differences are too difficult and too insignificant to overcome. In a time where biased opinions influence beliefs, this allowance is dangerous to relationships. Even though we may not realize it, each one of us has a relationship with those who we both encounter and those we never meet. Our actions affect this earth and this life which in turn affects those here and those yet to come. Even though we may not know those people, we have a relationship of sorts with them.

As people, we expect understanding and tolerance shown to us. Even though we hold that expectation, we don’t always return the gesture. What stops us from acting the way toward others as we expect them to act toward us? There are many answers to this question. Some answers include hatred, fear, misunderstanding, resentment, and ignorance. Once we can figure out what is causing these issues, we can then deal with them. Once we understand our habits and our ways, we can find ways to better ourselves. If we can treat people in a better manner, maybe they will do the same for others. Our actions towards them influence how they react to those they encounter in the future. The way that they treat others will be passed on to their children and so on. It’s a little daunting that our actions can influence such a great number of people. How then do we change this? It’s simple, we have to change the way we react in certain situations. We have to take care of how we hold ourselves and present ourselves along with developing the way we think. In order to do this, we must find tolerance within ourselves for diversity of all kinds. Whether it is religion, gender, ability, ethnicity, or sexuality, we have to be able to deal with it in a manner which isn’t oppressive to others.

I watched a movie today called “Arranged”. It is a story of two young women, one is Muslim and the other is Orthodox Jewish, who are new teachers in a Bronx public school. Despite their obvious differences, they develop a special bond. Even though many people are against their friendship, they don’t allow it to break them apart. Over the course of the year, these two women find they have much more in common than they had thought. As I watched this movie, it made me reflect on how much we take our actions for granted and how much hatred has ruined the chance of many relationships. Prejudice and biasness has become part of everyday life and it’s ridiculous. People judge others by first sight instead of by interaction. That judgment is based on appearance alone. Do they appear to be something different than you? If the answer is yes, then 9 times out of 10, that is it. There is no second thought on the issue. They are deemed something lower than the person judging them. We do not hold the power of judgment. It is not in our ability to rightfully judge someone. We tend to discard someone before we even know them because of how they look or act or what someone says about them. This movie reminded me that this isn’t good. We don’t have the right to do this to someone. This does nothing except push people away from each other and create boundaries that separate groups of people. It creates hatred and discrimination. It makes life very unfair and it can easily be avoided.

So the next time that we encounter someone new, let’s not be so quick to jump to conclusions about them. Let’s try to get past all our differences and get to know them. Maybe we could learn something from them that might change us. Don’t allow appearances and superficial attributes be the reason you push someone away because it only takes one tiny crack to break something precious.

Where Do We Start?

2009-08-18T21:29:00.003-04:00

The same question arises with both Muslims and Non-Muslims when wanting to learn about Islam; “where do I start?” This question is one that everyone will have a different answer for. One answer is no more than another, but from experience I have found the best answer is the beginning. No matter how much we think we know, most of the time we are missing basics. So, how about we go back to the beginning and start there? Start from the very first topic that we should learn, “What is Islam?”, and build from there. In order to truly understand our religion, we must understand the very basics and fundamentals of it. We must go back into our brains and learn the same things as children do. We have to learn 1,2,3 before we can learn 10. I can honestly say that at times it has been embarrassing to admit that I need to act like a child sometimes in order to learn what I need to, but the truth is that once we can put that embarrassment aside, we can learn more than we thought we could.

Once we have learned and understood the fundamentals we can delve deeper into more issues. But the one thing we must remember is that we need to understand the things we learn so that we can implement them into our lives. If we learn truth but don’t act on it, we are nothing but ignorant hypocrites. If we use what we know in our lives, we improve ourselves. Once we know something small we can expand that knowledge until we are experts in that area. Who wouldn’t want to know all they can about their religion and way of life? Allah (swt) says “And of men and beasts and cattle are various species of it likewise; those of His servants only who are possessed of knowledge fear Allah; surely Allah is Mighty, Forgiving” (Surah Fatir: Ayah 28). “'Whoever walks in the path to seek knowledge, Allah will make the path to paradise easy for him” [Muslim]. If knowledge is held with such a high esteem in Islam, then why shouldn’t we pursue such a thing that the Creator of this Universe will forgive our sins for?

One advantage which New Muslims have is that we learn from the basics. We aren’t raised in Islam, so we have to learn everything from the beginning. If we were raised by Muslim parents, the basics would had been introduced to us early on and we would had been very likely to forget many of them. Sometimes people who are newer to Islam are able to separate culture and religion which is hard to do at times. We get to see this beautiful religion through fresh eyes. It’s not a bad thing that we come into Islam at a later age. In some ways, it’s a blessing because we are more comprehensive and more thankful of the knowledge which we receive. So the answer to where do we start is simple, start at the beginning of Allah’s gift to us. Let’s all go back to the basics and deepen our knowledge from there.

Expectations

2009-08-11T22:33:00.004-04:00

One of the biggest mistakes that new Muslims tend to make is to have unrealistic expectations. We have found this amazing religion which we want to follow with all our heart. We decide to leave everything that we've known our whole lives to live this new life as a Muslim. It is unknown territory which can be very difficult, especially if we go through it alone. Many people will desert their own family when their family members accept Islam. This leaves the new Muslims all alone without the support that they need. What makes it worse is that it's often very hard to find the right support from their community. This leads to a lot of issues and problems.

I think one of the biggest problems that arise is the issue of high expectations. We have changed our life which is usually in a very unfamiliar manner than what we are used to. Once we have tasted this new way of life, we want it all at once. We tend to leap too quickly into the matter of knowledge. Sometimes we compare ourselves with our fellow Muslims. We may be the same age as our sisters and brothers in Islam, but in reality we are newborns into this religion. We want to know everything that they know and we often forget that it's not how much we know, but how we use that knowledge in our lives. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "Convey from me even if one ayah (verse) for it may be that the one being informed will comprehend better that the one listening (at present)." (Al-Bukhari).

If we push ourselves to learn too quickly, we will either learn nothing or we will become discouraged. Allah (SWT) has made our religion not of hardships and barriers but of ease and encouragement. He has given us a complete way of life in Islam, not just a few rules or sayings. Islam circles every part of a Muslim’s life. It is what pushes us in our moral decisions, our choices, our family life, our personality, and our character. This cannot be learned all at once. Even if we study day and night for the rest of our lives, we will never learn it all. With this in mind, we can’t push ourselves so hard to learn that we forget why we are learning in the first place; to be closer to Allah (SWT) and to obey him. Aiming high is a good thing at times, but other times it can be harmful to our determination and our want to learn. The best thing we can do is figure out what we want to learn and why we want to learn it. Once that is known, then we should pace ourselves so that we aren’t just reading and studying instead of learning. Allah rewards for intention. Keep your intention pure and go from there. Don’t let your new way of life discourage you in the least. It’s a lot to deal with, but it’s possible as long as we have a drive pushing us to become good Muslims. As long as we have this desire to be the best we can, we will continue to grow in Islam. If we lose that drive, we will lose this beautiful way of life that Allah (SWT) has blessed us with.

Personal Intro

2009-08-03T20:55:00.008-04:00

If I were to return to my hometown just as I am today, I doubt that anybody would recognize me. Today stands a young woman in the place of what was a young teenager who was typical of the time and place of past. I can honestly say that I am 180 degrees of what I used to be and for me that is a great thing.

I was raised in a place which is a very conservative and narrow-minded place, especially in the 90s. Where I consider to be my hometown has a population of around 3,000 people which is a small town. Everyone was pretty much the same.. white, American, Christians, and if you weren't all of these, you were considered a serious outsider. Just as everyone else, I blended in and joined a church because I was supposed to be Christian just as everyone else was. My family was not religious at all. I joined The First Baptist Church when I was 8 years old after my grandmother died. I was baptized by the age of 9 after my grandfather died and I was very active in the church. Sunday church, Sunday school, Discipleship training, Wednesday youth group, Wednesday church meetings, and Friday youth group were all must-attends for me. I was the first person to find a bible verse and I was the first one to recite what I knew.

All in all I considered myself to be pretty religious, especially for a child. There were times that I felt unsure of my beliefs though. I was taught that Christians are not allowed to question about their faith because it is as if we are questioning God himself. Other times I witnessed our youth pastor teach us that women weren't equal to men and when I questioned him about this I was made to feel as if I was betraying God for my unfaithfulness. This made my faith start to slow down. I finally saw that something wasn't right in what I was being taught. I turned to the bible and to prayer. I read the bible but many passages didn't make sense to me. I prayed but then I started to wonder why I prayed more to Jesus than to God and why I turned to the son instead of the creator. I started to question all that I knew and all that I grew up with. After not finding the answers to my questions, I started to lose my faith and my prayers slowed down and my church-going slowed as well.

Then one day, as I was getting ready for school something massive happened that ended up paving the way to my answers. On the TV, images of planes crashing flocked the screen as well as panicked cries. That September morning brought a new word to me, Islam. Before that day, I had never heard of the religion of Islam nor the word Muslims. Montana just wasn't a place for exploring or teaching diversity. I sat day after day watching the news and listening to the radio about anything to do with what had happened in New York. I heard horrible things that I knew in my heart couldn't be true. I didn't know the first thing about Islam but when people said that what the terrorists had done was what Islam taught, I stood up and said that this couldn't possibly hold an ounce of truth. I had no facts to back me up but I felt in my heart that no honest religion could teach that and I refused to believe it. After that day, there was a new idea was in my life.. Islam.

A couple years later, my mother married a Pakistani man who again brought the idea of Islam back into my life. He didn't show me Islam, but the ways he followed made me question if Islam was truly that way and thankfully I found that it wasn't. I started to research Islam and saw how great it was. Then I moved to Pakistan and spent 6 months there where I learned true Islam from my grandfather-in-law. He was a great man who showed me Islam instead of culture. He invited me to question life and why things happen the way they do. He showed me how to pray and he encouraged me to read the Qur'an. After a while of searching for the truth, I found it in the words of Allah (swt). I found the Qur'an to hold everything I had questions about. I found Allah's words to give me comfort and it moved me in a way that nothing else has. I decided to take my Shahadah and I knew that it was the right thing for me to do.

After that day, many obstacles landed in my path. Many new trials came and I had to learn new ways. My whole life did a drastic turn. I started dressing differently, acting differently, speaking differently, and most of all I started seeing things differently. I learned respect for myself as well as everyone else and I learned the importance of living a good life. I put other things first in my mind instead of myself. I began to grow as a person and I became a better one for doing it. Becoming a Muslim has changed my life amazingly. It has given me a reason to live a good life and to want a good life for myself and for those I love. It has given me strength and self-respect. It has made me who I am today and guided who I have become.

Dreams Of An Inspired Mind: Muslim-ized

2009-08-01T03:00:00.006-04:00

Salaam Alaikum!

I have decided to recreate my blog into something useful and important Insha'Allah. Okay, a little about myself. First off, my name is Zainab (or Shana). I am a revert to Islam for 4 years Alhamdulillah. I have had my ups and downs just as everyone else but with those experiences I have come to understand the person I am and the person that I want to be. I am hoping to use this blog to share my experiences, my hopes and dreams, as well as the knowledge that Allah (swt) has given me. So this is why my blog is now "Dreams of an Inspired Mind: Muslim-ized". I hope that this will benefit us all insha'Allah.

Peace out... Salaam Alaikum

Uncertainty

2009-05-11T15:34:00.007-04:00

No matter what part of our life we are in, whether it is adolescence or adulthood, there will be times in which we face uncertainty. Granted there are people who face more uncertainty than others, there will come times when we all face it. We can’t escape it and there isn’t a way to determine when that uncertainty will hit us. We could be driving or even just resting when it happens. Since we can’t escape it, the question then becomes “How do I deal with it?”. This is a hard question to answer in just one breath because there are many different ways which works for many different types of people. With this world growing, expanding, and developing, there are more types of people than before. There are religious and non-religious, strong and weak, determined and unmotivated. This diversity means that one thing may work for a person but fails on another person, which demands different techniques for each individual.

The thing which I always find very effective for myself in times of uncertainty is faith. Nothing comforts me more than it and nothing works as well to not only calm me but help me understand the situation. Now, I know this isn’t useful for all people because everyone’s level of faith varies. I have also dealt with stress techniques which were somewhat helpful for me and successful for others. This technique covers a wide range of ways which include breathing, focusing, and even pressure techniques such as gripping and releasing a foam ball. The best way of dealing with uncertainty that I have ever come across is comfort. Whether it be with family, friends, or even strangers, the comfort of knowing someone is with you so you aren’t going through it alone. Talking to someone about what you are feeling and what you are afraid of really helps to relieve the emotions that occur from uncertainty.

So, no matter where you are or when it is, uncertainty will hit you eventually. The important part is to be prepared in knowing how you can deal with it. If you don’t deal with it, it will only consume you and bring your heart down to the ground. It will worry you till there is nothing left but fear. The important thing is to remember that you can face it and deal with it. Don’t let it affect you in a negative way.

What Does Life Mean To You?

2009-04-18T21:36:00.007-04:00

What does life mean to you? Is it all about nice cars, lots of money, maybe being number one? Or perhaps it's more about helping those in need and protecting what you believe in? Whichever you think is most important in life, be sure that our actions don't come without a price. What is up to you is that you must decide if that price is worth it. Me personally, I believe that the purpose of life is to live it, helping as many lives as you can, while still protecting your faith. To me, the two most important things in life are faith and love. The love which I refer to is the love that you have for your fellow humans. The love that puts them in a place of importance in your heart. Even if you don't know them, their lives are still important to you.

We all go through so many trials thoughout our lives that we either forget what's really important or we find what's important. When we are given a test in this life, we find out what type of person we really are. We find out what means most to us. To everyone, the things that matter differ, but the thing that stays the same is that we all value something important. Every person on this earth places something above themselves. Sometimes people value materialistic things over other things, but that doesn't mean that they are wrong. It just means they see value at a different level than others do.

Many people have had experiences which leave them devastated and questioning life. I think that every person, in order to find out what life truly means to them, they have to go through something life changing. You can't find importance without the struggle behind it. It's the struggles we go through which creates our understanding of the value of life. Without that struggle, we can never really know what life means. We can't see how important something is without knowing what it's like to not have it.

So what does life mean to you? Have you been blessed with the true understanding of it? If not yet, then one day you will find it. One day, each person on this earth will go through something which helps them find the meaning of life. To some it's cars and money, but to others it's helping and caring. Me, I choose the latter because that is the only way to help others find the meaning they are searching for. Hopefully, we all will find our own meanings in time.

Never Give Up

2009-04-08T20:25:00.004-04:00

By now, I'm sure you have all heard of the Binghamton shooting which occurred on Friday, April 3rd. For those who don't know about it, here is a little information on it. Friday morning, a man went on a rampage, killing 13 people and injuring even more. The shooting occurred at the American Civics Association which is an organization that helps immigrants with immigration and citizenship. Before entering this building, he barricaded the back door with his car and entered the front of the building, shooting two secretaries upon entrance. The shooting only lasted three minutes, but it took hours to clear the building and while it was being cleared, the high school was on lock down and many frantic people were unaware of what was really happening. Hours after the first shots were fired, they found the gunman dead.

This isn't a news report, so don't worry about that. There are many things about this incident that I find interesting (not the murders, the after-occurrences). There is one thing that can't be argued, this was a premeditated act. Why this massacre occurred, we will probably never have that answer. There are two conflicting reports which really interest me. The first report stated that the gunman's sister couldn't believe this happened. She said that her brother was a good man and that she never could imagine him doing this. The second report, after saying his name was something different than the first, stated that his family wasn't surprised of his actions. They supposedly reported that he had a drug and gun addiction. Of course we can't believe what the news says, but I find it interesting that there are two completely contradictory stories published by two respected news sources.

What could make a person do this? I believe that any answer you could have to that question would be nothing but an excuse. Everybody has a hard life in one way or another. Every single one of us will face times in which we think there is no way to come away from it; no way out. The thing some of us forget is that there is ALWAYS a way out, no matter how hard it is. There is always a solution to every problem. No matter how hard something gets, with time, there is always an answer.

What would bring someone so low as to take another's life is a question that I have been thinking about a lot. Of course we don't know this man's life, what he was facing, what he had been through, what emotional and psychological problems he may have had. The one thing we do know though is that something pushed him so far that he decided it was worth it to take the lives of 13 innocent people and ruin the lives of many more. Psychological issues are on the top of the list of reasons for murders, but there are no excuses for such an unforgivable act.

This man may had thought that there was no way out or even that there was nothing left to live for. He may had believed that his problems were too big or that his life was too hard for him. No matter what he was thinking, he was wrong. No matter how hard something is, it is never quite as bad as it seems. Look around you. There are orphaned children living on the streets starving, there are people who are blind but trying to live their lives on their own, there are people who can't walk but still strive to be the best people they can be, and there are single parents trying to raise a family and take care of everyone on their own. When we look to these people, we realize that our lives aren't as hard as we think they are. We tend to get caught up in ourselves and forget this. No matter how difficult something is, we can overcome it. The only thing that can stop you from success is yourself. There is always a way out if you want it badly enough. There is always a better life waiting for you to find it. Nothing in this world is bad enough to resort to such violence. Always look to the future of what could be instead of looking at a past that you can't change. No matter how bad something looks, it could always be worse, just don't let it get there. You have to be the best you can be and try your hardest to succeed. Never give up on yourself and you will see how much better life is.

Psycho Teddy

2009-04-04T22:52:00.006-04:00

This is completely random, but I love this video. It's amazing. I just wanted to share it with those who don't know psycho teddy yet.

Result Of A Negative Society

2009-03-31T22:35:00.004-04:00

I get so tired of hearing the "Mature" adults of this world complaining about how it is the youth's fault that our world is declining dramatically. They blame all of the problems on the younger generations but fail to take responsibility for what they have bred. I am not referring to the actual breading of children but the breading of negativity that surrounds those children. When one takes a step back from this fantasy of blame, they can see the reality of where these ideas that the children carry come from. How does a baby learn to speak? They learn it from observation of those around them. The baby learns their behavior and abilities from those they have contact with. So where do these younger generations learn their ways? They learn them from the culture and world they live in. They are constantly surrounded by the negativity of nudity, violence, drugs, alcohol, and illicit sexual behavior. Is it really a wonder why people turn out the way society creates them?

Overcoming Hardships

2009-03-30T21:33:00.004-04:00

No one escapes life without facing obstacles and hardships. Each life is unique in this manner and each obstacle is different than others. Sometimes we think that nobody is going through what we are and that we are alone. Many use this as an excuse for failure. They try to use this excuse of difficulties to fool others, yet fail to realize that they are only fooling themselves.

Today I got the opportunity to hear Dominic Carter speak about overcoming hardships in life. Dominic grew up in the projects of New York City. His father was never around and his mother suffered from paranoid schizophrenia, leaving him in a tough position growing up. He went though foster care and knew what it was like to be poor, not having anything to eat and no money to live on. As he grew up, he seemed to be an average type person and never thought he would grow into anything special. He figured he would be a product of his environment and end up like the rest of his friends; either dead or in jail. However, this attitude changed the day his guidance counselor told him something. Upon asking for a financial aid packet for college, his counselor remarked “Why waste your time? You’ll either be in jail or dead”. This was the defining moment that pushed Dominic to crave success. From that moment forward, he worked as hard as he could to prove that he was not a failure nor would he be another statistic. As the years passed, he graduated from Cortland in three years with a BA in journalism and continued onto Syracuse University. Now he is one of the leading journalists in America and has gained success which most only dream of. He started with nothing and he’s raised himself up to the top on his own.

The main point to his speech was that at the end of the day, if you have failed, you have nobody to blame but yourself. There are no excuses to be heard because you chose not to give it your all. If you want something badly enough, there is nobody who can stand in your way except yourself. In an attempt to make everyone understand what he meant, he used the example of a train. If a train is on course heading for its destination, nothing can stop it. It keeps going until it stops. That stop is up to the conductor and nobody else. I’m sure you got the reference that the train is your goal and the conductor is you. In the end, nobody can stop you but yourself. When you come across an obstacle, you must persevere and flip the bad into good.

In order to find success in life, you have to be able to learn to turn the negatives into positives. For example, a young girl is in a car accident and loses the use of the lower half of her body. After all of the pain and rough times, she still has a very optimistic attitude and she uses her new personality she has gained from her trials to help her continue on. She took her hardship and turned it into strength. This young girl has accomplished something many people never do. She has learned how to overcome hardships. She has taught herself to live on despite her circumstances. If she wouldn’t had learned this, she would had lost her life, not in the sense of death, but in the sense of never accomplishing anything and allowing time to slip from her until it is too late to get it back.

In order to overcome obstacles in your way, you have to find a way to push yourself past them. You have to find a way to control your mind to believe that you can accomplish anything that you need to in life. You have to train yourself to always believe in your potential and forget about those who tell you that you can’t do something. If you allow yourself to listen to people who are negative towards you, then you are only allowing yourself to fail. If you let this negativity be around you or a part of you, you will never have the ability to push yourself forwards past it. At first you may have the strength, but as time goes by, it removes your ability to succeed and brings you down to a level that is hard to rise up from. When it comes to overcoming your difficulties, everyone has to do it a different way. Sometimes it’s by using the negativity towards you to propel you forward whereas other times it may be using your personal difficulties to drive your success. It does not matter which way you find to move you. What matters is your strength and need for a good future.

It doesn’t matter if you are young or old, black or white, male or female, rich or poor. It doesn’t matter where you start out. What matters is where you are going. The past is gone, but the future is constantly being built. Every decision we make, everything we do, shapes our future and lays down the path of ours to follow. We cannot rely on others to make this path for us, only we can do it. In the end, it is up to us whether or not we want to succeed in life. Hard work is the only way we will ever accomplish anything true for ourselves. There are no tricks and definitely no excuses.

Catcher In The Rye

2009-03-16T20:10:00.006-04:00

Author J.D Salinger

For English class we are reading "The Catcher in the Rye". This story is a very intriguing one. For those who have read it, know what I mean, but for those who haven't read it, I will give a brief summary. I must warn, however, that the part I did not like about the book is the language that is used on occasion throughout the whole story.

This story is told by Holden Caulfield, a young teen boy who behaves a little beyond his years at times. He is your typical "troubled" kid. He is a loner, disregards authority, and he has an attitude that turns people away from him. He is afraid to let anyone close to him, so he builds these walls around his personality so people will stay away from him. He figures this is the only way to protect himself from getting hurt. Everyone he loves ends up leaving him in one way or another, and he wants to prevent that from happening again. You also see his quest to find a balance between innocence and maturity as he struggles with over compensating for his age and many a times acting like a fool.

The interesting parts of this book is the fact that he is telling the story from a mental hospital and the fact that you get to see his growing deterioration throughout the book. Set back in the 1950's, the story still relates to today's youth in their troubles facing life. Holden has severe depression and is socially awkward. He doesn't know how to talk to girls the right way, nor does he know how to treat friend. He is somewhat stuck in the past when it was a much easier time. He moves from school to school, but eventually ends up in the streets of New York trying to survive.

This book, despite the language and sexual references, has one of the best stories I have read, and I read a lot.It is a little hard to follow, but once you get into the mind of Holden Caulfield, it makes you question what is really the line between sanity and insanity.

Asking For Help

2009-03-10T20:28:00.003-04:00

Today I had to meet a man outside for a delivery of mobility aides for my mother since she just returned from the hospital. A van pulls up, the door opens, and there is a man inside. He introduces himself and we strike up a conversation. His van was extremely cool because it was completely equipped to fit his wheelchair and physical needs. In my opinion it was one of the coolest vehicles, equipment wise, I have ever seen. As I was trying to unload the mobility aides, for my mother, I was having a bit of trouble. Being on forearm crutches, it can be a little difficult to move things at times. So this man suggested I ask a lady walking down the street for help. It is not my custom to ask strangers for help, but I did this time. She was very nice and helped me move a few things. After the van was unloaded, the man and I talked a bit. He had been hit by a drunk driver and now he was bound to an electric wheelchair and forced to live with many obstacles facing him.

After a small chat, the man drove off and I was left there thinking. Going through all the trials that I have faced, I have learned to do anything I need by myself. I learned to either get it done by myself or not have it. This "either-or" attitude is something that helped me survive many hardships. As I stood there thinking, my mind kept going back to the man and how he had no problem asking for help. I learned a very valuable lesson today. That is that I shouldn't be ashamed to ask for help. It doesn't make you lesser or helpless to ask. It actually makes you stronger to put aside your pride and realise you need a little help sometimes. This realization has actually changed me and I hope that it will happen with everyone who feels they can be Superman all by themselves.

Equality Under The Law??

2009-03-05T20:38:00.009-05:00

My Government class is very open to where we can talk about anything. Okay, well it's mainly just the teacher and me talking since the rest of the class seems to zone out before the class even starts. My teacher was telling us about this 17 year old guy who got into a lot of trouble for having nude pictures of his 16 year old girlfriend on his cellphone. Just to clear this up before I get into my opinion on this issue, I do NOT agree with the couple's actions, nor do I believe that promiscuity of any sort is acceptable.

So anyways, this 17 year old guy has to be forever labeled a sex offender because of an act that he AND his girlfriend did together. The part that bothers me is that she was mutually involved in this act, yet she had no legal repercussions for it. I then brought up the topic of statutory rape. For those who don't know what that is, statutory rape is defined as "sexual intercourse with a person (girl or boy) who has not reached the age of consent (even if both parties participate willingly)". Please note "even if both parties are willing". Again I do not agree with illicit sexual relations between adult or youth. The thing that bothers me is that the law almost always favors on the side of the girl. This is however the opposite if the girl is of age and the boy is not. Coming back to this.. if a boy and a girl the age of let's say 16 have sexual relations with one another, the law will find the boy guilty but the girl will not be found guilty because she is not legally able to consent to such an act at that age (but a boy is??).

The law has not caught up with the times. Nowadays, women are much more likely to engage in a sexual activity than they used to be. I don't think that the law should force punishment on the guy but not the girl even though the sexual relation was completely mutual. One thing that our government tries to promote is that in the US there is equality under the law. How is this equality if it is biased? I don't care if anyone agrees with me or not, but I see this as completely unfair. The law should consider both parties equally guilty if the act was indeed mutual and not forced.

Slug Reproduction

2009-03-05T20:07:00.010-05:00

Today whilst on my way to school, I started a random conversation about slugs with one of my friends. During the chit-chatter of the conversation, a question came to my mind, "How do slugs reproduce?". To search for the answer, I went to one of my favorite teachers. Here is how that conversation went...

(me) "Mr. Mihalko, I have a random question for you"
(him) "Yes, Shana?"
(me) "How do slugs reproduce?".

You should had seen his face drop into that really distorted HUHHH look. It was priceless. Anyways, he didn't know the answer, so I went to another teacher who thought of using Google to find out. Are you ready for the answer of how slugs reproduce?

Here we go... Slugs are hermaphrodites (has both male and female reproductive organs). Once a slug finds it's mate, they entangle themselves in a ball with their portruding genitalia. Once the mating is concluded, each mate bites off the male genitalia from the other, which leaves each slug forever female. Once they decide to mate again, they can only mate with another slug which has not mated yet since it will be the only male mate in this act of reproduction. This is one of those disturbing yet interesting facts to know so I had to share it with everyone.

Happiness Upon Hardship

2009-02-24T21:35:00.008-05:00

(The following is a conversation between a girl named Myiesha and a psychologist named Aaliyah. Myiesha has a rare genetic disease and Aaliyah has been asked to speak with the young girl about her understanding of the condition that is plaguing her.)

Aaliyah: Hello there. My name is Aaliyah. I work here at the hospital, and I was wondering if we could talk for a little bit?

Myiesha: (A big smile brightens up her face). Sure, I’m Myiesha.

Aaliyah: Oh that is a pretty name. How old are you Myiesha?

Myiesha: Eight.

Aaliyah: The reason I am here is because I have been told that you are kind of sick and I wanted to talk to you to see what you thought about that. Would you mind telling me how you got to staying here at the hospital?

Myiesha: I’m here because I got sick the day my mom, dad, and brother died.

Aaliyah: Oh, I see… do you mind telling me what happened that day?

Myiesha: Well, we were all going to go out to eat at the new place, but before we left I wasn’t feeling good. My tummy hurt, so my mom left me at my friend’s house. I went to sleep and when I woke up, Mrs. Ali said we had to go to the hospital to see my family. When we got there, a lady told us that my family was in an accident and they died from drowning in the river that the car fell into. The last thing I remember is that Mrs. Ali hugged me, but then everything went black. I woke up the next day and the doctor told me I was sick and I had to stay in the hospital for a while till they fixed me up.

(Unsure of what to say next, Aaliyah sits in silence for a few moments trying to think of the right response)

Aaliyah: Did the doctor explain to you what is wrong with you?

Myiesha: Yes. He said I have something called Batten Disease. It only happens to kids and is very rare but I’m one of them. He said that it makes you shaky and it makes you so you can’t move right. Oh and he said that it makes you not be able to see. He didn’t tell me something, but I heard some nurses talking about it. They said that one day I won’t wake up like my parents didn’t wake up.

(For the first time, Aaliyah realizes that Myiesha is already blind from the disease as the girl sits in her wheelchair staring at the floor, but holding a composure unlike that of a child, but similar to a mature adult.)

Aaliyah: Myiesha, how do you feel about all of this?

Myiesha: Sometimes it makes me sad, but it also makes me happy too.

Aaliyah: How does it make you happy?

Myiesha: (Another big smile lights of the girl’s face)

Because God loves me so much that he gave me a special life. I hurt a lot, but God made it so I am special and that I see life differently. God also loves me so much that he gave me a chance to go to heaven. Even though I hurt a lot, God uses it to make me a better person. One day I will get to see my family again. For that, I would go through any pain in this world. We forget that this life is only here for a little while; someday we will go to our next life and that’s when living really starts. Anything we go through now doesn’t last, but one day we will have a great life. We can’t forget that.

(With tears in her eyes, Aaliyah bends down to hug this little girl that has shown so much courage in her time of pain; this young girl that sees past this life to the beauty of the next. Aaliyah had never met anyone like her before, and doubted she would ever meet anyone like her again. As Aaliyah hugs Myiesha, she makes a resolution in her heart that she would do everything she could to help others who are suffering. She would do everything in her power to show others this courage and love this little girl has shown her.).

This Cloth That I Wear

2009-02-24T20:57:00.004-05:00

This cloth that I wear, beyond it is a beauty that I hide.
The physical appearance is not what's inside.
My heart, my love, my brain, and my knowledge is what shall be.
For if you miss those, it is not me that you see.

Hearing of oppression only makes me ponder,
Why do people think you can't see what is yonder?
For you can't see the wind even as it blows.
Yet you still believe the wind is strong and that it grows.

Why can't they see me from behind my hijab?
I do not veil for them, I veil for God.
If you can't accept me for what you can't gaze your eyes upon,
Then you don't really know me and I guess you'll never see,
That I am not oppressed, I am free.

The Memories

2009-02-24T20:56:00.010-05:00

They're coming after me. I try to hide, but they always find me. Even in the darkest corner, I'm not safe. The thoughts of what they'd do to me, nearly drive me insane. I am not afraid of them, I am terrified of them. I don't know what to do. How do I escape them? How do I free myself of them for good? They have found a way to tear at my heart. A way to enter my mind. If they find me, I'll be forever doomed. I can't allow them, the memories of my past, to break my soul.

Hidden Emotions

2009-02-24T20:55:00.013-05:00

We keep things hidden inside that we are too afraid to show. When we have nowhere to turn, we push our feelings down and try to pretend that they don't exist. We cover ourselves with a mask as though, with that mask, we are freed of our emotions. If we are lucky enough, our trick will work for a while until the inevitable happens and our hidden thoughts burst up and overwhelm us. They feed on us until we break down and face them. Tears help to wash away the feeling of helplessness and loneliness that can break us if we allow such to happen. We can never rid ourselves of these, but we can try to take control of them so they don't hurt as much.

Secrets

2009-02-24T20:53:00.003-05:00

We must be careful when exploring the places we have tried to keep hidden. For once we open the door to those unrevealed places, we don't know what unforeseen thing lies behind it. The secrets that we bury will return to us at a speed that we cannot stop. When we decide to uncover that which is repressed, we must bear the burden that comes along with such. We must carry the responsibility of what we discover.

There Are Things Which We Never Speak Of

2009-02-24T20:52:00.012-05:00

There are things which we never speak of. There are things which never cross our lips. Even though our minds and eyes say them, we have an unknown fear of actually bringing them to audible words. For if they are heard, it is as though we are vulnerable. We are vulnerable to the only thing that we believe to control by ourselves. Thoughts like these are the ones that prevent us from opening up to the ones we trust. We feel as though we can’t share these thoughts without having some consequence brought to us. Even our closest friends and loved ones never know our innermost feelings. They do not truly understand where we come from because we lack the ability to express ourselves fully whilst having this fear of being vulnerable to openness. We don’t know if there will ever come a time that this fear will be wiped away and lack the inability of bearing ourselves, however, we must always believe there will one day be a time that we can do such.

The Darkness' Hold

2009-02-24T20:52:00.011-05:00

The darkness has a tendency to distort and influence your thoughts. When you are in the light, the darkness has no control over you. Once you return to the darkness, the light is of no aide. The light brings about peace, and the darkness brings about uncertainty. Things which seem fine during the day appear distorted at night. I don’t know if it is because of the loneliness and solitude found at night, or if it is because the light is nowhere to be found. Either way, I always dread those hours spent in darkness. My mind races and my heart hurts of uncertainty. I doubt myself and I fear that which, during the day, gave me little grief. There is no way out of the darkness, and the only way to come to terms with and deal with it is to realize that it has no power over you. It is only an illusion that your mind perceives as a reality. This false reality only has a hold on you whilst you allow it to. Once you let go of the fear, the darkness loses its power.

Inside

2009-02-24T20:51:00.003-05:00

My eyes don't even dare look at my reflection. It is not my outside that bothers me, it's my inside. No one sees what I do not allow them to. I do not show them how I really feel and I do not show them my true self. I fear that if I show them my true self, that I will become vulnerable to them. If I do not share my heart, then I do not have to deal with the inevitable pain of it breaking. Lately, I do not know what to do. I feel myself becoming weak inside. I have allowed the outside world to influence my emotions. Sometimes I feel that if we had no emotions, that we would be a lot better off. Emotions always end up ruining things and hurting us. I wish I could just become hard on the inside so that it wouldn't hurt or bother me any longer. If I had a shell around my heart then nothing could come close enough to harm it. Nothing would hurt me ever again.

DATE UNKNOWN... REMEMBERANCE OF MY STRANDING

2009-02-24T20:49:00.001-05:00

For the past three nights I have had nightmares. I don’t get much sleep since I must always remain alert for the various dangers lurking behind every crevice on this island. However when I do sleep, the nightmares always chill me to the deepest core of my body. The dreams always start out the same. In the dream I am on a plane. I am sitting next to a Muslim woman in her mid-twenties or so. She is covered beautifully in black with a small child sitting on her lap. The girl-child of hers has the most beautiful smile I have ever seen. As I look into the child’s eyes, I see a peace there that I have long searched for. Is it that this child knows no hardship that would break her heart, or that this child is not clouded by the negative influence that surrounds other humans? Such an influence brings the toughest of creatures to their knees. This child’s eyes intrigue me beyond reason, beyond explanation. I asked the little girl what her name was and she replied “Maha”. I in turn said “Salaam Maha. You have a very beautiful name, Masha’Allah. My name is Fatima”. The smile that Maha gave me seemed to melt away my problems. As my mesmerization with this child began to wear off, I felt the whole plane jerk. I kept repeating over and over that this was normal even though I knew that it wasn’t. I knew that the chances of surviving a plane crash were slim to none, but I couldn’t loose hope. I prayed that the plane would stay in the air. I prayed that the pilot would get us there safely. However, most of all, I prayed that the precious little child sitting next to me wouldn’t be hurt. All I could hear were screams of anguish and despair, worry and concern, hopelessness, and yet wails of hope. I have never been in such a situation as now. I didn’t know if I would live or die, but all I cared about suddenly was how I lived my life. I was thinking of all the bad things I have done rather than focus on the current catastrophe. The back of the plane was ripped off and I saw dozens of people fly from their seats. I was frozen to my seat, all I could do was look at Maha and in her eyes I saw fear. The fear in her eyes gripped me and terrified me. Just as the plane was to collide with the water, I awake. I never get past this part of the dream, but what I do recall in my dream, terrifies me. I am forced to wonder if this is how I got on this island or not. It would of course make sense, but I don’t have the evidence to prove it. As of right now, I am accepting that possibility as the solution to the question “How did I get here?” For now all I can do is try to survive on an island that I now call home.

DAY UNKNOWN: REMEMBERING WHAT I HAVE FORGOTTEN

2009-02-24T20:46:00.001-05:00

Since I have been on this island for no one knows quite how long, I decided that I would make my stay as pleasant as can be. I found better wood to make a stronger and more comfortable shelter from and I also found a large piece of plastic, which I have no clue where it came from, to make a door out of. A while back I had made a knife out of some glass-like stone I found. It has surely served a great purpose and I use it for various chores such as cutting fish, stripping bark, and carving. Today I decided to use it to carve some furniture, or the closest I can come to it, for my new home. It’s sort of weird to think about, but I do consider this awful island my home now. I have been here for quite some time, and I don’t know if I shall ever leave. To me, it would be horrible to die without knowing some place as a home. Anyways, after a good portion of the day was spent carving furniture, I found that it was quite easy to make chairs and whatnot. Furniture out of the way, I decided to take a walk along the beach and see if anything new was happening. I love to stroll down there, with a slight breeze blowing against my skin and the sun shining down on me, not in a horrid weather way, but in a soft comforting shine. Strolls always relax me and make me, for just a little while, forget about my problems. Every time that I am alone like that and at peace, I get this feeling deep inside of me as though I am forgetting something very important to me, however I can never remember what it is. This day, however, I remembered exactly what it was as a flow of words came from my mouth, “Laa ilaaha ill Allah”.

DAY UNKNOWN: A REALIZATION OF MY PAST

2009-02-24T20:44:00.003-05:00

I don’t know how long I’ve been on this island. Every morning and every evening seem the same to me. I don’t know if it’s just me, or if it is what happens to everyone who is stranded on an island. However, I don’t really recall many accounts of island strandings, besides the crew from Gilligan’s Island. I have noticed how my hygiene has somewhat declined, but what’s to be expected in such conditions as I am currently in? Some may say that I am becoming crazy and delusional. Heck, I would if it wasn’t me in the situation, but since it IS me…I know that I am still somewhat sane. If being insane saves me from spending the rest of my life on this island, then so be it. I found a small suitcase today as I was searching for some of those berries I have come to love. I realized that it must had washed ashore while a tide came in. I didn’t know whose it was, but I looked inside it anyways. Inside I found various items that I somehow subconsciously remember. I found a mirror and turned it over slowly so that my reflection was staring back at me. It’s the first time I have seen myself since waking up on this island and not knowing who I was. So it was sort of like seeing myself for the first time. My hair was down to the middle of my back and my hair had definite damage done to it, but this wasn’t important to me anymore. Whilst looking at myself in the mirror, images I’m supposing are from my past, came back to me. I saw myself standing in the halls of a high school surrounded by a few close friends. I had on a long black skirt and a hot pink top. After remembering that little bit about myself, I looked down at my current appearance and wondered what had happened. I used to be so beautiful and now as I look at myself, I wonder where my beauty has gone. I sat down and thought on this for a long time, finally realizing that I sacrificed my beauty for my survival. It doesn’t matter what one looks like on the outside, as long as the inside has the right intentions. I decided that if I ever do get off this island, that I wouldn’t allow materialism to rule my life anymore.

DAY 8... FOUR DAYS SINCE THE CREATURE

2009-02-24T20:44:00.001-05:00

It's been four days since the night in the cave. I haven't seen the creature since then, but I don't doubt the possibility that it is probably still lurking around. Sometimes I get that feeling of my every move being watched, but then again I might just be paranoid. Since the encounter with the creature I have decided to start using my head. I moved my camp to the cave and created a door-like structure that I could easily use when the need would arise. I also loaded up on objects that could be used as weapons. I've gotten alot better with fishing. Now I can catch my meal with ease. Also, I have found some fruit that is delicious beyond words. I came across something interesting in my searches of the island. I found a skeleton of what appears to be a small child. In finding this, I assume that I am not alone on this island. If I can find other people I might be able to be in a better situation than my current one and perhaps even leave this nightmare. I haven't searched the whole island. I try to stay near my camp so that I don't get lost. Who knows what other creatures are out there waiting for a fresh meal? I haven't encountered anything other creature than that one that tried to kill me. I count that as a blessing. There is no answer that I know of as to why I am on this island, but I am determined to find out. One day I will know who I am. One day I will remember my name. One day I WILL get off this island.

NIGHT 3..MIDNIGHT FRIGHT (continued)

2009-02-24T20:40:00.000-05:00

I crept out of the shelter and took a break for the shoreline. That is the only place I knew of so I had to try there first. As I was running I was looking back over my shoulder to check for the creature. Noticing that it wasn't coming, I decided to head for a cave that I found the other day. The cave was located in the woods so I changed my direction and headed for the cave. Being in the dark,l I wasn't exactly sure that I could find the cave but I had no other option. Behind me I could hear the creature howling, and as I continued on, the howls grew closer. I then realized that I had to make it to that cave if I were going to survive. This cave was discovered whilst I was searching for food. At the time, I didn't pay much attention to the finding of the cave since it didn't seem too astounding, but now I've realized that it may be my only hope for survival. If I can only get to the cave, I might be able to block myself in somehow. The howling grew closer with each stride I took. The cave was only right up ahead, not the much further. The entrance was instantly visible and I was thinking to myself "I'm almost there, almost safe". I ducked into the cave as I heard another howl of the creature. Quickly I made a fire with the stuff I grabbed at the last minute from my shelter. Peering around the cave, I noticed a small passageway that I could fit through. The creature was right outside so I crawled in the passageway. I crawled as far as I could and then stopped. I could hear the creature scrapping around in the cave. I needed a weapon if I was to defend myself. My hand ran across a sharp stone. I took the stone in my hand for futhur examination and found it to be possibly a useful weapon against the creature. Apparently the creature caught my scent because it made its way over to the passageway. Luckily its size didn't allow it to get too far in, but it was trying its hardest and I was afraid somehow it would find a way. That way was being found as the creature somehow inched its way forward towards me. Panic overtook me and I began flailing. I then remembered the rock i had in my hand. Since my arms were free to move about, I took the rock and threw it as hard as I could at the creature. Whimpering told me that I apparently harmed the creature, so I took more rocks and threw them at the creature. Finally the creature had taken too many hits and limped away. I was taken by joy and fear at the same time. I was joyful that I was still alive but afraid of what else was yet to come. I awaited for the sun to rise and I slowly made my way out of the cave. Seeing nothing as I looked around in all directions, I made my way back to the shelter. Something came to my mind that someone close to me would always say, "The Man With No Imagination Has No Wings". If I was to survive, I'd have to start using my imagination.

Night 3... MIDNIGHT FRIGHT

2009-02-24T20:38:00.002-05:00

I don't know what time it is, only that it's nighttime. I awoke because I heard a noise outside my self-made shelter. I know it's not very stable so I sit quietly waiting for whatever made that horrid noise to leave. Since it is dark outside I don't know what exactly it is, but I am assuming it is the creature from near the coconut tree. I have to admit that I am actually scared. I thought that the loneliness was the scariest part so far..NO! this is.. this waiting to see what will happen. As the shelter isn't as stable as it should be, I back up into the corner that is built against a huge boulder, in hopes that it will provide some sort of protection for me. Using the rocks of mine, some twigs, and some bark I start a fire because I am hoping that if need be, I can light something on fire to scare away the creature. I can hear it as it comes closer. It's breathing can be heard already. The breathing is heavy and I can tell it's craving something. What that something is, I do not know. However, I do know that it's after something and I am praying that something isn't me. Its shadow is getting closer and I really don't know what to do. I can't move because I am glued to my spot by fear. How can I run if I have nowhere to run to? It's apparent that the creature is used to its surroundings and that frightens me. I know that if it was between the creature and me, I'd surely lose. I don't have many options so I decide that my best chance of survival is to run. Despite my instincts I decide this. Am I crazy? I surely don't want to go out there with the creature, but I have no choice if I wish to live.

TO BE CONTINUED....

Day 3... FISH

2009-02-24T20:37:00.002-05:00

I've decided that I can no longer eat the berries that I find near the forest nor drink the coconut milk for my food. I need some kind of nourishment so I decided to try and catch fish. When I sit on the beach, I see the fish swimming to and fro, and with some practice I think that I could catch some to eat. I remember how mother used to cook the fish at home. She had her own recipe and you could always taste just a touch of lemon. I miss her so much, and I wonder if I will ever see her again. I don't know why I can remember my mother but not myself... but for some odd reason I do. I remember how she'd tell me stories of pirates and islands and whatnot. She had such an imagination. Getting back to my current situation, I decided to try to catch some fish so I made a spear-ish type thing out of a stick. I sharpened it using some nifty rocks I found. The same rocks I used to start a fire last night. Finally I am learning to survive in this unknown place. With my spear, I headed off to the water. As I went to step in the water, some forgotten fear caught hold of me and told me not to go in the water. Had it not been for my growling stomach, I would had listened to that fear. A school of fish were swimming around only a little ways ahead of me, so I got my spear ready and headed out to where they were. As their bodies reflected the sunlight, the most amazing colors formed in front of my eyes. My stomach brought my mind back to the task that lay ahead of me. With the spear raised above my head, I waited and waited until I thought that I could catch one. The spear came down with all it's might into the water, and as I pulled it up, there was no fish on the end. I could handle the first time, but after the fifth and still no fish, I was getting frustrated. I decided that I would try one more time and if it didn't work, I would just wait until tomorrow to try again. I lifted the spear above my head one last time and waited for a fish. When I saw the fish, I brought the spear down but not so hard this time. As I brought the spear up, I saw that there was a fish on the end! My joy cry could have been heard all the way to Antarctica..wherever that may be. I took my prize and went back to my camp to make a fire. Once the fire was going, I cleaned the fish and roasted it over the fire. Even without the lemon, it was one of the best things I've ever tasted. I have come to realize in my isolation that the things we think are important in life usually aren't as important as we fool ourselves into thinking. Take Care.

Day 2... THE CREATURE

2009-02-24T20:36:00.002-05:00

I survived the night. It was only by God's will that I did. I have yet to establish an opinion on my current situation. The night brought about fears that I never knew I had. Every sound, every movement, and every breeze of cold air sparked fear and nervousness into me. I know that most of my worry was in my head, but I still have yet to search the island and determine what all is here. I still have no recollection of my past. I wonder if I will ever remember who I am. Really all I care about is finding a way home, wherever that may be. Something interesting, yet frightening, happened when I was searching for food this morning. I found some more coconuts in a tree so I went to climb the tree to get the coconuts and out of nowhere I saw this creature underneath the tree. I'm not exactly sure what it was but it was the ugliest thing I ever saw. It was covered in brown fur and walked on four legs. At a far glance one might mistake it for a wolf, but upon further look they'd see that it was not a wolf, nor anything like they have ever seen. While I was up in the tree, it caught my scent and tried to get me. It's teeth were very sharp and shiny. I had no weapons, only coconuts. So I grabbed a coconut that was closest to me and hurled it downwards with all the force that I could conjure up. The coconut hit the creature on the top of his head and the coconut cracked open. When the milk dripped down, I realized that it was tainted red. The Creature howled out it's agony and I thought it might try to attack me again, but it whimpered off as if it knew that it was going to lose. After I was pretty confident that the creature had left, I climbed down out of the tree and ran to my shelter. I huddled close to the wall in case the creature came back. I didn't know what to expect as night started to fall. The only thing, however, that I did think about was getting home..no matter where home was.

Day 1... THE UNKNOWN

2009-02-24T20:30:00.002-05:00

I would introduce myself but i don't really remember who I am. I know it sounds odd, but it's the truth. I woke up this morning with the sun shining down ever so brightly onto me. I gazed outwards and saw what I am guessing is the ocean. It's beautiful beyond words, but I have this nagging fear of it for some reason. Anyways, back to me.. I don't know who I am so you can just call me Bob for now. When I woke up this morning, my throat was so unbelievably dry and my stomach felt as tho I hadn't eaten in years. My primitive survival instincts must had kicked in because I went and looked for food and found some coconuts in a tree, so I cracked them open and drank the sweet succulent milk from them. It soothed my throat and I felt better. After I ate and washed up some, I decided to search this unknown place I am in. What I found I can not explain for it is too harsh for ears of those who have never experienced anything like this. But i shall say that it has scarred me for life and I wish that I had never seen it. The sun is starting to rise so I am going to try to build a shelter from the sun. So I must part for now, but I shall return... if I am still alive.

Time

2009-02-24T20:28:00.000-05:00

Time isn't always as we perceive it. One day, a minute could seem like an hour. Another, an hour could seem like a minute. We fool ourselves into thinking that we have time. Time to do all the things we put off daily. Time to change ourselves into the people we wish to be. However, this is only an illusion. We think we have time to do things later when in reality we don't. Watches, clocks, and dials have kept time for us over the years, but we have still have failed to realise that we do not own time, time owns us. Everyone's hourglass, which contains their sands of time, varies. Someone's might be half-full whereas another's is quickly running out. No one knows when their destined time will come, and no one knows in which way it is coming. All we can do is live our lives while trying to be the best we can be. We can't wait around for time, and we can't allow it to pass by. For once time is gone, we can't get it back.

Alone

2009-02-24T20:26:00.000-05:00

All alone in the dark, i can see nothing any which way i turn. I can hear nothing but the eerie calm of silence. My heart skips a beat as my imagination begins to plays tricks on me. How i got here, i do not know. I am just as clueless to where i am as to who i am. A name is such a simple and instinctive thing to know, but i do not obtain this basic knowledge of myself. I do not know my past nor my present. This darkness terrifies my senses and makes my insecurities take flight. I don't know if i will be able to survive such emptiness as that which surrounds me. I can feel it grabbing at me. It tears like claws into my soul. It has already taken my identity. The only thing left for it to steal is my life. Life is such a precious gift that one should not give up easily. We only receive one, so why should something that doesn't deserve it be allowed to take it? The coldness is getting unbearable. My body shivers and shakes with the wind. I can feel my life slipping, but i won't give up... i can't give up something that i hold so dear. It will just have to rip the life from me.

Videos

2009-01-26T22:03:00.001-05:00

Videos go here

Pictures

2009-01-26T22:02:00.001-05:00

Pictures Go Here

Contact Me

2009-01-26T21:23:00.001-05:00

Click HERE to email me
or use zainaballen@gmail.com to contact me

About Me

2009-01-26T21:21:00.005-05:00

I am a person who loves to read and write. Traveling is one of my favorite things to do. My husband encouraged me to start this blog, so I hope you enjoy :)

Random facts about me....

- I want to go to York University when I move to Canada.
- I love reading and writing.
- My favorite movie is "The Unborn"
- I was born in Idaho (yes make all the jokes you want).
- I got my fashion style from my husband's help.
- I have a wonderful husband who is very supportive of me.
- My favorite food is Taco Salad (homemade).
- I think the word "Squeegee" is one of the funniest words in the English language besides "anonymous".
- I know how slugs reproduce.